Sunday, November 25, 2012
Service Learning Journal 11/26
The talk about the female bodies and masturbation went really well! For the last week of the sex ed class, I was prepared to do a talk on safe sex and sexually transmitted diseases and how to prevent them. Unfortunately, none of the girls showed up for this talk because there was a dance recital going on at the same time in the neighborhood. Although they didn't get this important information, I hope that what I did get to teach them in previous classes sunk in and that they will the information when/if they ever need to.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
My Body: Challenges, Changes, and Confidence.
Positive body image is something that most everybody struggles with, particularly young girls. I, myself, have struggled with loving my body for what it is. It was a rough journey, but I now know that I am beautiful, inside and out, and that I was blessed with a beautiful, healthy body and I am so thankful for it!
I had been a confident little girl ever since I came out of the womb. I don't remember much, but I do remember loving myself and always having fun. I remember wanting to be an actress or a singer or a model and loving attention.
But I also remember the first time I started thinking negative things about my body. I remember it pretty clearly actually. I was in 3rd grade and riding somewhere in the car. I was wearing shorts, and I remember looking down at my legs, thinking about how huge they were. Since then, I started getting more and more self-conscious about my body, particularly my legs. To this day, I still do not like my legs.
I started puberty in 3rd grade too, and I was the first girl in my grade to get my period. I was in 5th grade then. Of course, this also means I was the first girl to start getting breasts (3rd grade), hairy armpits, and *DUN DUN DUN* pubic hair. In 5th grade, we had to take a 3 day camping field trip. All the girls shared a cabin and had to share a bathroom. This particular bathroom had 3 or 4 showers, and we all had to take showers at a certain time for some reason. So, even though we could take a shower in our own separate stall one at a time, we had to undress and dress in front of each other when it was our turn to take a shower.
There was this really bitchy girl in 5th grade, and for some reason, she targeted me. She was a bully, the first real bully I have ever encountered, and at the time, she was really thin and underdeveloped, even for a 5th grader. When I was taking a shower, she pulled back the curtains out of nowhere, and in front of everyone, looked my naked and very developed body up and down and said "Eww." Then she closed the curtains and walked away. It was devastating, and from that day on, I hated my body. I hated the fact that I started puberty before everyone else. And most of all, I hated the fact that I was bigger than everyone else. In fact, I'll even go as far as to say that I thought I was fat.
So puberty was very rough for me. Any and every thing that could go wrong during puberty did. I gained a lot of weight. I got bad body odor. I started my period while wearing white pants several times, and have had to change into my PE gym shorts or wear a jacket around my waist for the rest of the day. I got made fun of....a lot. People commented on the size of my breasts. I stopped wearing shorts (except during PE, where it was required). I even stopped wearing just a bathing suit to the pool in our backyard. Instead, I would wear a bathing suit, with my dad's old swim trunks and an old t-shirt on top. This was to our private pool. In our backyard. I hated my body so much I didn't want anyone to see it. Not even myself. I couldn't even look in the mirror because all I would think was "fat", "ugly", or "gross."
This self-disgust and lack of self confidence lasted up until the end of my junior year of high school. By this time, I was much bigger than I wanted to be. So for prom, I decided to lose 5-10 pounds for prom. I didn't think it was going to happen, but I exercised 3 times a week and ate and drank only healthy things. I figured I might as well try.
By the end of 3 months, I had literally lost 30 pounds, completely by accident. People accused me of being anorexic and bulimic, but I wasn't. I just ate a lot healthier and it payed off. For the first time in 10 years, I loved my body! I felt so confident!! I started wearing shorts again. I could go swimming in a bathing suit (bikini, actually!). I even felt confident enough to wear cute, form-fitting clothing without worrying about being called fat.
A not-so direct effect of this was that I found out who my real friends were. It's weird. But it's true:
A girl who used to be my best friend had anorexia and bulimia before I knew her. She had it since she was about 11 or 12 and was in her early 20s when we were friends. She began accusing me of being anorexic like her and even went so far as to say that boys didn't like me anymore because my "boobs are too small now" She tried to make me feel guilty or bad about losing weight, because she saw how confident and happy with myself I was now. Needless to say, I soon stopped talking to her because any friend who says guys don't like me because of my breast size is no friend of mine. First of all, I don't want a guy who only likes me for my breasts...or just for the way I look for that matter. I want someone who not only thinks I'm beautiful, but also loves me for my personality and my heart. Secondly, this was so far from the truth! Even though my breasts had gotten smaller, I now had a healthy body and my confidence really showed. People complimented and flirted with me now; the only "compliments" I would get before losing weight always had to do with how big my breasts were.
In fact, I hated how big my breasts were. I always felt like people were staring at them and that they were the first thing that entered a room. They didn't feel proportionate to the rest of my body at all and, to tell you the truth, they were so heavy they literally gave me back pains. I tried as hard as I could to find cute shirts that didn't make them (or my stomach) look super huge, but of course, I couldn't. Before I lost the weight, my typical outfit was a t-shirt and jeans. Now I wear outfits that I love and feel beautiful in!
Anyway, back to the topic: The girls I had mentioned in an earlier blog turned against me for my weight too. I used to be a little bigger than all of them, and even though they weren't exactly fat, they were a lot bigger than me now and did not look very healthy at all. Once again, these girls started saying my breasts were "too small" and so guys shouldn't like me. They also spread anorexia rumors about me and started talking about me behind my back. So I dropped them from my life. I stopped talking to them, and as soon as I graduated high school, I deleted them from my Facebook. Honestly, after the hell they've put me through, I never want to see them again. But I'm not going to let them ruin my story.
I still have my moments of thinking I look fat in a certain outfit, or that my hair is weird, or that my legs are ugly. But... generally, I love my body! I was born with a healthy body! I have no major health issues. I have clear skin. A good heart. A great brain. Legs that walk. A nose that smells. Eyes that see, etc. Really, there's nothing to complain about. I'm so grateful for my body and I'm glad I finally realized how beautiful it is! Not only because I'm attractive to others and myself now (even though I am honestly very grateful for that because that's what I've wanted ever since puberty), but because my body is healthy! And I'm going to spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to keep it that way.
So the question I have for you is:
Is a woman attractive because of her breast, waist, and/or butt, size? Or is she attractive because she's healthy and confident, loves herself for who she is, and has a great personality? I think the latter.
And the same goes for men. Is a man attractive because of the amount of muscles he has, his penis size, or how "tough" and "manly" he acts? Or is it because he's healthy and confident, loves himself for who he is, and has a great personality? Again, I'd say the latter.
And I'm really glad that I lost the weight; it just really stinks that I felt like I had to lose the weight.
I had been a confident little girl ever since I came out of the womb. I don't remember much, but I do remember loving myself and always having fun. I remember wanting to be an actress or a singer or a model and loving attention.
But I also remember the first time I started thinking negative things about my body. I remember it pretty clearly actually. I was in 3rd grade and riding somewhere in the car. I was wearing shorts, and I remember looking down at my legs, thinking about how huge they were. Since then, I started getting more and more self-conscious about my body, particularly my legs. To this day, I still do not like my legs.
I started puberty in 3rd grade too, and I was the first girl in my grade to get my period. I was in 5th grade then. Of course, this also means I was the first girl to start getting breasts (3rd grade), hairy armpits, and *DUN DUN DUN* pubic hair. In 5th grade, we had to take a 3 day camping field trip. All the girls shared a cabin and had to share a bathroom. This particular bathroom had 3 or 4 showers, and we all had to take showers at a certain time for some reason. So, even though we could take a shower in our own separate stall one at a time, we had to undress and dress in front of each other when it was our turn to take a shower.
There was this really bitchy girl in 5th grade, and for some reason, she targeted me. She was a bully, the first real bully I have ever encountered, and at the time, she was really thin and underdeveloped, even for a 5th grader. When I was taking a shower, she pulled back the curtains out of nowhere, and in front of everyone, looked my naked and very developed body up and down and said "Eww." Then she closed the curtains and walked away. It was devastating, and from that day on, I hated my body. I hated the fact that I started puberty before everyone else. And most of all, I hated the fact that I was bigger than everyone else. In fact, I'll even go as far as to say that I thought I was fat.
So puberty was very rough for me. Any and every thing that could go wrong during puberty did. I gained a lot of weight. I got bad body odor. I started my period while wearing white pants several times, and have had to change into my PE gym shorts or wear a jacket around my waist for the rest of the day. I got made fun of....a lot. People commented on the size of my breasts. I stopped wearing shorts (except during PE, where it was required). I even stopped wearing just a bathing suit to the pool in our backyard. Instead, I would wear a bathing suit, with my dad's old swim trunks and an old t-shirt on top. This was to our private pool. In our backyard. I hated my body so much I didn't want anyone to see it. Not even myself. I couldn't even look in the mirror because all I would think was "fat", "ugly", or "gross."
This self-disgust and lack of self confidence lasted up until the end of my junior year of high school. By this time, I was much bigger than I wanted to be. So for prom, I decided to lose 5-10 pounds for prom. I didn't think it was going to happen, but I exercised 3 times a week and ate and drank only healthy things. I figured I might as well try.
By the end of 3 months, I had literally lost 30 pounds, completely by accident. People accused me of being anorexic and bulimic, but I wasn't. I just ate a lot healthier and it payed off. For the first time in 10 years, I loved my body! I felt so confident!! I started wearing shorts again. I could go swimming in a bathing suit (bikini, actually!). I even felt confident enough to wear cute, form-fitting clothing without worrying about being called fat.
A not-so direct effect of this was that I found out who my real friends were. It's weird. But it's true:
A girl who used to be my best friend had anorexia and bulimia before I knew her. She had it since she was about 11 or 12 and was in her early 20s when we were friends. She began accusing me of being anorexic like her and even went so far as to say that boys didn't like me anymore because my "boobs are too small now" She tried to make me feel guilty or bad about losing weight, because she saw how confident and happy with myself I was now. Needless to say, I soon stopped talking to her because any friend who says guys don't like me because of my breast size is no friend of mine. First of all, I don't want a guy who only likes me for my breasts...or just for the way I look for that matter. I want someone who not only thinks I'm beautiful, but also loves me for my personality and my heart. Secondly, this was so far from the truth! Even though my breasts had gotten smaller, I now had a healthy body and my confidence really showed. People complimented and flirted with me now; the only "compliments" I would get before losing weight always had to do with how big my breasts were.
In fact, I hated how big my breasts were. I always felt like people were staring at them and that they were the first thing that entered a room. They didn't feel proportionate to the rest of my body at all and, to tell you the truth, they were so heavy they literally gave me back pains. I tried as hard as I could to find cute shirts that didn't make them (or my stomach) look super huge, but of course, I couldn't. Before I lost the weight, my typical outfit was a t-shirt and jeans. Now I wear outfits that I love and feel beautiful in!
Anyway, back to the topic: The girls I had mentioned in an earlier blog turned against me for my weight too. I used to be a little bigger than all of them, and even though they weren't exactly fat, they were a lot bigger than me now and did not look very healthy at all. Once again, these girls started saying my breasts were "too small" and so guys shouldn't like me. They also spread anorexia rumors about me and started talking about me behind my back. So I dropped them from my life. I stopped talking to them, and as soon as I graduated high school, I deleted them from my Facebook. Honestly, after the hell they've put me through, I never want to see them again. But I'm not going to let them ruin my story.
I still have my moments of thinking I look fat in a certain outfit, or that my hair is weird, or that my legs are ugly. But... generally, I love my body! I was born with a healthy body! I have no major health issues. I have clear skin. A good heart. A great brain. Legs that walk. A nose that smells. Eyes that see, etc. Really, there's nothing to complain about. I'm so grateful for my body and I'm glad I finally realized how beautiful it is! Not only because I'm attractive to others and myself now (even though I am honestly very grateful for that because that's what I've wanted ever since puberty), but because my body is healthy! And I'm going to spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to keep it that way.
So the question I have for you is:
Is a woman attractive because of her breast, waist, and/or butt, size? Or is she attractive because she's healthy and confident, loves herself for who she is, and has a great personality? I think the latter.
And the same goes for men. Is a man attractive because of the amount of muscles he has, his penis size, or how "tough" and "manly" he acts? Or is it because he's healthy and confident, loves himself for who he is, and has a great personality? Again, I'd say the latter.
And I'm really glad that I lost the weight; it just really stinks that I felt like I had to lose the weight.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
A Step Towards Equality!
This blog post has nothing to do with the class, but it definitely has to do with women's rights and society's view on women (and sex)!! First of all, I'm planning on expanding my blog and continuing to post about women's issues after the semester is over, because it's something I'm very passionate about. VERY.
This particular post has to do with the recent election and America's decision to stick with President Obama, who by the way, is the only president to openly support gay rights, and one of the very few who has supported women's rights.
Many of the candidates involved in this election were, quite frankly, sexist, chauvinistic, disgusting, and heartless human beings. Their comments on rape and abortion and contraception for women prove this. Many GOP candidates have said very, very, very disgusting and disturbing things regarding this issue. Just a couple of examples are Richard Mourdock's comment that pregnancy from rape is "God's will." Hell no it isn't! No God I believe in or want to believe in would EVER want a woman to be raped! Another example is Todd Atkin's comment that during "legitimate" rape, a women's body has a way to "shut down" to prevent pregnancy. Ummm....NO!!! RAPE IS RAPE. And a women's body does not have a way of shutting down during it.
I'm not going to get too much into the details, because I know I'll be in a bad mood for the rest of the night if I do. But I know I would not want to live in a country where our president thinks women should get off work just in time to "make dinner for their husbands" or should not get equal pay or the right to choose abortion or the right to contraception or Planned Parenthood, etc, etc, etc. This is the 21st century! I thought we were past all this!!
I'm also glad that those idiots who said disgusting things about women have been voted out, and instead replaced by women (in many cases) and that we now have our first openly lesbian senator! Woohoo!! Go America!! And thanks!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)