Service Learning Journal 11/26

The talk about the female bodies and masturbation went really well! For the last week of the sex ed class, I was prepared to do a talk on safe sex and sexually transmitted diseases and how to prevent them. Unfortunately, none of the girls showed up for this talk because there was a dance recital going on at the same time in the neighborhood. Although they didn't get this important information, I hope that what I did get to teach them in previous classes sunk in and that they will the information when/if they ever need to.

My Body: Challenges, Changes, and Confidence.

Positive body image is something that most everybody struggles with, particularly young girls. I, myself, have struggled with loving my body for what it is. It was a rough journey, but I now know that I am beautiful, inside and out, and that I was blessed with a beautiful, healthy body and I am so thankful for it!

I had been a confident little girl ever since I came out of the womb. I don't remember much, but I do remember loving myself and always having fun. I remember wanting to be an actress or a singer or a model and loving attention.

But I also remember the first time I started thinking negative things about my body. I remember it pretty clearly actually. I was in 3rd grade and riding somewhere in the car. I was wearing shorts, and I remember looking down at my legs, thinking about how huge they were. Since then, I started getting more and more self-conscious about my body, particularly my legs. To this day, I still do not like my legs.

I started puberty in 3rd grade too, and I was the first girl in my grade to get my period. I was in 5th grade then. Of course, this also means I was the first girl to start getting breasts (3rd grade), hairy armpits, and *DUN DUN DUN* pubic hair. In 5th grade, we had to take a 3 day camping field trip. All the girls shared a cabin and had to share a bathroom. This particular bathroom had 3 or 4 showers, and we all had to take showers at a certain time for some reason. So, even though we could take a shower in our own separate stall one at a time, we had to undress and dress in front of each other when it was our turn to take a shower.
There was this really bitchy girl in 5th grade, and for some reason, she targeted me. She was a bully, the first real bully I have ever encountered, and at the time, she was really thin and underdeveloped, even for a 5th grader. When I was taking a shower, she pulled back the curtains out of nowhere, and in front of everyone, looked my naked and very developed body up and down and said "Eww." Then she closed the curtains and walked away. It was devastating, and from that day on, I hated my body. I hated the fact that I started puberty before everyone else. And most of all, I hated the fact that I was bigger than everyone else. In fact, I'll even go as far as to say that I thought I was fat.

So puberty was very rough for me. Any and every thing that could go wrong during puberty did. I gained a lot of weight. I got bad body odor. I started my period while wearing white pants several times, and have had to change into my PE gym shorts or wear a jacket around my waist for the rest of the day. I got made fun of....a lot. People commented on the size of my breasts. I stopped wearing shorts (except during PE, where it was required). I even stopped wearing just a bathing suit to the pool in our backyard. Instead, I would wear a bathing suit, with my dad's old swim trunks and an old t-shirt on top. This was to our private pool. In our backyard. I hated my body so much I didn't want anyone to see it. Not even myself. I couldn't even look in the mirror because all I would think was "fat", "ugly", or "gross."

This self-disgust and lack of self confidence lasted up until the end of my junior year of high school. By this time, I was much bigger than I wanted to be. So for prom, I decided to lose 5-10 pounds for prom. I didn't think it was going to happen, but I exercised 3 times a week and ate and drank only healthy things. I figured I might as well try.

By the end of 3 months, I had literally lost 30 pounds, completely by accident. People accused me of being anorexic and bulimic, but I wasn't. I just ate a lot healthier and it payed off. For the first time in 10 years, I loved my body! I felt so confident!! I started wearing shorts again. I could go swimming in a bathing suit (bikini, actually!). I even felt confident enough to wear cute, form-fitting clothing without worrying about being called fat.


A not-so direct effect of this was that I found out who my real friends were. It's weird. But it's true:
A girl who used to be my best friend had anorexia and bulimia before I knew her. She had it since she was about 11 or 12 and was in her early 20s when we were friends. She began accusing me of being anorexic like her and even went so far as to say that boys didn't like me anymore because my "boobs are too small now" She tried to make me feel guilty or bad about losing weight, because she saw how confident and happy with myself I was now. Needless to say, I soon stopped talking to her because any friend who says guys don't like me because of my breast size is no friend of mine. First of all, I don't want a guy who only likes me for my breasts...or just for the way I look for that matter. I want someone who not only thinks I'm beautiful, but also loves me for my personality and my heart. Secondly, this was so far from the truth! Even though my breasts had gotten smaller, I now had a healthy body and my confidence really showed. People complimented and flirted with me now; the only "compliments" I would get before losing weight always had to do with how big my breasts were.
In fact, I hated how big my breasts were. I always felt like people were staring at them and that they were the first thing that entered a room. They didn't feel proportionate to the rest of my body at all and, to tell you the truth, they were so heavy they literally gave me back pains. I tried as hard as I could to find cute shirts that didn't make them (or my stomach) look super huge, but of course, I couldn't. Before I lost the weight, my typical outfit was a t-shirt and jeans. Now I wear outfits that I love and feel beautiful in!

Anyway, back to the topic: The girls I had mentioned in an earlier blog turned against me for my weight too. I used to be a little bigger than all of them, and even though they weren't exactly fat, they were a lot bigger than me now and did not look very healthy at all. Once again, these girls started saying my breasts were "too small" and so guys shouldn't like me. They also spread anorexia rumors about me and started talking about me behind my back. So I dropped them from my life. I stopped talking to them, and as soon as I graduated high school, I deleted them from my Facebook. Honestly, after the hell they've put me through, I never want to see them again. But I'm not going to let them ruin my story.



I still have my moments of thinking I look fat in a certain outfit, or that my hair is weird, or that my legs are ugly. But... generally, I love my body! I was born with a healthy body! I have no major health issues. I have clear skin. A good heart. A great brain. Legs that walk. A nose that smells. Eyes that see, etc. Really, there's nothing to complain about. I'm so grateful for my body and I'm glad I finally realized how beautiful it is! Not only because I'm attractive to others and myself now (even though I am honestly very grateful for that because that's what I've wanted ever since puberty), but because my body is healthy! And I'm going to spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to keep it that way.


So the question I have for you is:
Is a woman attractive because of her breast, waist, and/or butt, size? Or is she attractive because she's healthy and confident, loves herself for who she is, and has a great personality? I think the latter.
And the same goes for men. Is a man attractive because of the amount of muscles he has, his penis size, or how "tough" and "manly" he acts? Or is it because he's healthy and confident, loves himself for who he is, and has a great personality? Again, I'd say the latter.

And I'm really glad that I lost the weight; it just really stinks that I felt like I had to lose the weight.

A Step Towards Equality!

This blog post has nothing to do with the class, but it definitely has to do with women's rights and society's view on women (and sex)!! First of all, I'm planning on expanding my blog and continuing to post about women's issues after the semester is over, because it's something I'm very passionate about. VERY.

This particular post has to do with the recent election and America's decision to stick with President Obama, who by the way, is the only president to openly support gay rights, and one of the very few who has supported women's rights.

Many of the candidates involved in this election were, quite frankly, sexist, chauvinistic, disgusting, and heartless human beings. Their comments on rape and abortion and contraception for women prove this. Many GOP candidates have said very, very, very disgusting and disturbing things regarding this issue. Just a couple of examples are Richard Mourdock's comment that pregnancy from rape is "God's will." Hell no it isn't! No God I believe in or want to believe in would EVER want a woman to be raped! Another example is Todd Atkin's comment that during "legitimate" rape, a women's body has a way to "shut down" to prevent pregnancy. Ummm....NO!!! RAPE IS RAPE. And a women's body does not have a way of shutting down during it.

I'm not going to get too much into the details, because I know I'll be in a bad mood for the rest of the night if I do. But I know I would not want to live in a country where our president thinks women should get off work just in time to "make dinner for their husbands" or should not get equal pay or the right to choose abortion or the right to contraception or Planned Parenthood, etc, etc, etc. This is the 21st century! I thought we were past all this!!

I'm so glad that President Obama won a second term! I just can't explain it! The moment I found out he had won, I screamed with joy, so excited and relieved that my rights as women would not be pushed back 50 years! So thank you, President Obama for understanding that women are people too!

I'm also glad that those idiots who said disgusting things about women have been voted out, and instead replaced by women (in many cases) and that we now have our first openly lesbian senator! Woohoo!! Go America!! And thanks!!!

Critical Analysis Essay

            In her article “Women, Reproductive Rights and the Catholic Church,” Rosemary Radford Ruether discusses the history of the Catholic Church’s opposition towards women’s rights dating back from the time of St. Augustine to modern day. Ruether begins her article simply with her thesis, which is that the “Roman Catholic Christianity has a problem with women” and that this problem is “deeply rooted in history” (Ruether 184). She immediately begins describing the history of this problem, starting with St. Augustine in the late fourth and early fifth centuries. The article’s thesis is stated very clearly, and is backed up well with examples of actual events in which the Catholic Church has fought to keep women’s rights to a minimum.

            Ruether’s first point is that the Catholic Church’s view of women and sexuality dates back to the writings of St. Augustine. According to St. Augustine, women were created by God to serve men. Ruether also points out that “Augustine’s view of woman was complicated by his view on sex and reproduction” (Ruether 185). According to Augustine, before the fall of mankind into sin, sex was only for procreation and there was no such thing as sexual pleasure. However, after the fall into sin, human sexuality became “distorted,” causing every sexual act to be “concupiscent” and sinful (Ruether 185). Ruether’s next point is about how the church’s view on women and sexuality has been challenged by the feminist movement and how the Catholic Church fought against the movement, including women’s suffrage and reproductive rights. She makes her next point by mentioning John XXIII, who was somewhat liberal compared to his predecessors. John XXIII said that “women have the right to equal inclusion in all the rights of the human person in society, […] public life, work, and politics” (Ruether 185). This pope wrote that “women are gaining an increasing awareness of their natural dignity” and deserved the rights they were now demanding (Ruether 186). Ruether’s next point is the Catholic Church’s reaction to the feminist movement of the 1960s. Pope Paul VI takes a step backwards from John XXIII’s liberalism by combating the feminist movement with the creation of the Birth Control Commission. When the Catholic Church realized that the battle against birth control was a lost cause, it began focusing its attention on the prohibition of abortion. Under John Paul II, the church “launched a global crusade against abortion, birth control, and redefinitions of the family” that included homosexual couples (Ruether 188). Ruether makes this point by providing various examples of how the Catholic Church has fought against women’s rights in many parts of the world.

            Ruether uses evidence dating back from the Middle Ages to events that have occurred in the 1990’s. The first piece of evidence Ruether provides to support her argument is St. Augustine’s teaching on women. Ruether states that St. Augustine believed and taught that women were created by God “to be under male subjugation” because women were guilty for the fall of humanity into sin and that women can only be “redeemed” by obeying men (Ruether 184). Ruether also states that women have been left out of leadership roles in the Catholic Church because they have been seen as inferior to men. According to the teachings of the Catholic Church, the women’s place is not only to serve men, but also to produce children. This makes the church’s view on sex as something that should strictly be done for procreating and that any use of birth control hinders this, thus making it wrong and immoral. A modern example of the Catholic Church’s battle against women and women’s reproductive rights occurred in the 1990s in El Salvador. El Salvador’s laws restricted abortion only to cases of rape, fetal malformation, and circumstances in which the mother’s life was in danger. Pope John Paul II appointed the bishop of San Salvador to ban abortion in El Salvador in all circumstances, and a bill was passed that defines abortion as murder. The abortion provider could face a prison term of six to twelve years, and anyone who assists in the abortion could face two to five years. The mother of the child could face two to eight years in prison if the fetus is in the first trimester and thirty to fifty years if the abortion occurs after the first trimester. This example supports Ruether’s argument that the Catholic Church has a problem with women because it demonstrates how the church will stop at nothing to prevent abortion, even if it causes the woman and anyone who helps her to suffer in prison.

            The author, Rosemary Radford Ruether, is a professor of feminist theology at the Pacific School of Religion and a professor of applied theology at Garrett Evangelical Theological Seminary. She is a scholar, teacher, and activist in the Roman Catholic Church, as well as “groundbreaking figure” in Catholic theology (“Rosemary”). She has published many books including Sexism and God-Talk and In Our Own Voices: Four Centuries of American Women’s Religious Writing.  She is currently collaborating on a multi-volume Encyclopedia of Women in American Religion with Rosemary Skinner Keller. Ruether’s background influences this article because she has clearly done a lot of studying and writing on feminism in religion, particularly in the Catholic Church. She is also an authoritative figure on this topic. This article was written in 2008, which means the article relates to the issues of women’s reproductive rights in today’s society. It was published in Feminist Theology: The Journal of The Britain & Ireland School of Feminist Theology. This suggests that the article was written mainly for an academic audience.

            The writer’s tone in this article is pretty objective, although it is clear that she does not agree with the church’s stance on women’s rights and reproductive rights. The parts of the essay relate to each other because they are all examples of the teachings and actions of the Catholic Church that have been directed against women and, in modern times, their reproductive rights.  The arrangement of ideas in this essay is chronological. Her first point dates back to medieval times, and she continues her arguments by relating the church’s stance on women’s issues to the each time period and events that relate to women’s rights at the time, for example, the feminist movement. Although this essay talks about the problems the Catholic Church has against women, it also discusses how there are some groups standing up for women’s rights. For example, she discusses Catholics for a Free Choice, which is a Catholic group that fights for women’s rights and their right to choose what they want to do with their own bodies.

            In her conclusion, Ruether discusses the SeeChange Campaign, which is run by the organization Catholics for a Free Choice. This campaign is working to change the Catholic Church’s status in the United Nations so that the Church participates “in world politics as a religion and not as a quasi-state,” which would prevent the Church from having a strong influence in laws outside of the church (Ruether  193).

            This article is important because it brings awareness to the issue of women’s rights in modern time. Many people assume that women have gotten equal rights and so there is no need for women’s rights activists. However, this is not the case at all. The Catholic Church is very powerful, and since it does not allow many rights for women, women are still oppressed in many ways because of the Catholic Church’s teachings.

Works Cited

"Rosemary Radford Ruether: Women's Studies in Religion." Rosemary Radford Ruether. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Oct. 2012. <http://www.cgu.edu/pages/3563.asp>.

Ruether, Rosemary Radford. "Women, Reproductive Rights And The Catholic Church." Feminist Theology: The Journal Of The Britain & Ireland School Of Feminist Theology 16.2 (2008): 184-193. Academic Search Complete. Web. 5 Oct. 2012.

Service Learning Journal 10/26

For my service learning project, I'm leading a sex education girls discussion group which is being held in a meeting room in an apartment complex, located in a poorer part of town. The Women's Wellbeing and Development Foundation holds a girls discussion group every Thursday at 6, and I'll be leading the sex ed group for 3 Thursdays. I went to the group unofficially October 4th to meet the girls and to get an idea of what the group is like. I had my first actual sex ed discussion with them on October 18th. Before I held this discussion, the girls put anonymous questions about sex and their bodies into a shoe box. I did research on these questions and answered them on the 18th. This week, I lead a discussion on the female body, arousal, and the benefits of masturbation. I used a fantastic book called It's Perfectly Normal to gather information for and lead this discussion. I highly recommend it to anyone! It does a great job at explaining sex, love, relationships, etc. It was a very interesting discussion, and the girls were definitely interested in had many questions about what I was saying!

A Very Twisted View of Women and Sex

Throughout the world, there are many different views on women and sex in many different societies. In countries where Islam is the predominant religion, girls and women are taught to be modest and that they must wait till they are married before having sex, and premarital sex is considered to be very sinful. On the opposite end of the spectrum is the Kreung tribe in rural Cambodia, where fathers build their daughters their very own “love huts,” to encourage their teenage daughters to become empowered by exploring their sexuality by inviting young men of their choice to their huts and privately getting to know them and having sex with them (Mail Online).

In Western cultures, however, society often contradicts itself when it comes to women and sex. As girls, women are taught that we should not have sex until we’re married and ready for children. But as teenage girls, we are told a completely different thing, not by our parents, but by each other and by society. We are told in sometimes subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle ways that we have to try to be sexy for our male classmates and that we should have sex with them for fun, otherwise we’re “prudes” or “lame” or “unwanted.” This applies not only to teenage girls but also to women as a whole, especially in America. The popular view today seems to be that if a woman won’t have sex or hasn’t had sex yet, she’s a prude. If she has sex and uses birth control, she’s a whore. If she has sex and doesn’t use birth control, but gets pregnant and has an abortion, she’s a baby-murderer, and if she keeps the baby, she’s irresponsible for having a baby that most assume she can’t raise properly, because she’s a whore. Either way, women lose. She’s either a prude or a whore, but one thing is for sure: in the end, she should get married and have children.

America’s view of women and sex should be more like the view of the Kreung tribe. I’m not saying that we should encourage our thirteen year old daughters to have sex with boys that they barely even know, but we should see sex how people in the Kreung tribe see it, as is a sacred thing that can empower us and allow us to discover who we are and the kind of person we want to spend the rest of our life with, instead of seeing it as a “dirty” thing, like many other cultures see it as. Because of the view of sex in the Kreung tribe and the openness and acceptance regarding sex, rape and domestic violence, as well as divorce, are very uncommon in this area (National Geographic).

In our society, it seems like it is more acceptable for men to have and enjoy sex than women, and that sex is “dirty” or “wrong.” Female sexuality should be more accepted for many reasons. The most important reason is pretty clear: Women bring life into this world by having sex and giving birth, so it makes absolutely no sense that women should not enjoy sex. Many people believe that women should have sex only to get pregnant, and otherwise, it’s not okay, but that should not be the case. Sex and the right to enjoy sex is a right that women should enjoy, not a privilege that only men get to experience. If in order to bring life into the world women must endure the challenge of pregnancy and labor, then women should also be able to enjoy the pleasures and wonders of a healthy sexual relationship.

The media is partly what gives America such a twisted view on sex. On television shows, movies, and even on the news, graphic images of war and violence are shown over and over on public television, but images that display sex, childbirth, or the human body are censored and blurred out. As a result, war is shown to be a necessity of life that we must all be exposed to, but sex is not. The fact that war is accepted more than sex is in America makes no sense. Sex brings pleasure and life in to the world, whereas war brings nothing but pain and death.

The negative view of women and sex brings a lot of problems into the world. For example, because many people in America still see women as sex objects for men, many females deal with low self-esteem and stay in relationships that do not make them happy. Because a woman’s attractiveness is portrayed as being her most important feature, young women develop eating disorders and go on crash diets so they can be as “attractive” to their male counterparts as possible. Instead of the once popular and much more natural “hour-glass figure” being the ideal female body shape, the media and society stresses the now popular “V-shaped” figure. Instead of proportionally large breasts and hips found on an “hour-glass figure”, the “V-shaped” figure has large breasts but small hips and a small butt. This figure does not come naturally to most women, so many get implants in their breasts so that they can conform to this new view of what a “sexy” woman should look like.

The media’s way of objectifying women expands to a much more serious issue. Not only does the media teach women that they should be as small and attractive as possible, but women’s bodies are also used to sell products. For example, I recently saw an advertisement for a BBQ burger at Carl’s Junior that featured two attractive women barbequing in skimpy outfits, with close-ups on their breasts, stomachs, and butts. This commercial showed two men staring at the two women while the women were sexually feeding each other the burger. 

This commercial compares women to pieces of meat like the burgers and this comparison is used this to sell this product. There are many more cases of this, where nearly naked women are used to sell anything from cell phones to cars. In fact, the media even glorifies and sexualizes rape in television shows and in advertisements, such as in an infamous Dolce & Gabbana advertisement. This advertisement shows a nearly naked woman being pinned down on the ground by a muscular man, while other men stand around and watch. This ad is clearly sexualizing violence against women, more specifically gang rape, and using it as a way to sell clothing.

The popular idea that women are sexual objects that have been put on Earth only to satisfy men’s needs leads to sex as being seen as a way for men to control women. Because many see sex as “bad,” and not as something women should enjoy, some men even go as far as to rape women in order to “punish” them if the man is angry or because the woman was dressing like a “slut” and was “asking for it.” If society had a more accepting and positive view of sex, this would not happen as often. Just the fact that one out of every six women is sexually assaulted in America and that there have been 17.7 million women who have been sexually assaulted shows that American society needs to focus on creating a more positive view of sex (RAINN).

            In order to help both men and women understand that there is nothing “dirty” or “wrong” with sex and that teens shouldn’t feel pressured to have sex in order to be “cool,” we should give children better sex education, starting from an early age. For example, in the Netherlands, sex education starts when children have yet to reach puberty. Instead of teaching abstinence but giving students condoms “just in case” as we do in the United States, sex education in the Netherlands “comes from an understanding that young people are curious about sexuality and that they need, want and have a right to accurate and comprehensive information about sexual health […] Young people have the right to adequate sex education so that they can make well-informed choices in sexuality and relationships” (Rutgers WPF). These sex education courses teach students that it is alright if they have sex, but to make sure they do it safely. Because of the way sex is viewed in the Netherlands, there is a very low teen pregnancy rate. In fact, the United States had a pregnancy rate four times as high (Advocates For Youth).

The notion that sex is bad and that women should not enjoy it for themselves even though men can enjoy it should not be the view society has about women and sexuality. And especially now that there is such a huge issue with whether or not insurance should cover birth control and whether or not abortion should stay legal, I feel like my body and my fate is being put into the hands of a mostly male government that does not care about me and what I want to do with my own body. I don’t know if I want to have children one day, but I know that I should not feel like I have to, and I know I should not have to feel like I am subject to what a man wants me to be, or what anyone else wants me to be either. I want to live in a society where children, both female and male, are taught that they don’t have to have sex or get married or have children, but if they want to, then that is wonderful because that’s their choice.

Works Cited

"Adolescent Sexual Health in Europe and the US." Adolescent Sexual Health in Europe and the US. N.p., Mar. 2011. Web. 22 Sept. 2012. <http://advocatesforyouth.org/publications/publications-a-z/419?task=view>.

Goodenough, Tom. "Cambodian Fathers Build Sex Huts for Their Nine to 13-year-old Daughters." Mail Online. N.p., 16 July 2012. Web. 22 Sept. 2012. <http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2174389/Cambodian-fathers-build-sex-huts-13-year-old-daughters.html>.

RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network" . N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Sept. 2012. <http://www.rainn.org/>.

"Sexuality Education in the Netherlands." RutgersWPF. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Sept. 2012. <http://www.rutgerswpf.org/content/sexuality-education-in-the-netherlands>.

"Teenage Sex." Taboo. National Geographic Channel. NGC, 8 July 2012. Television.

Service Learning Journal 9/20

For my service learning project, I'm going to be leading a sex education Q&A discuss at the Women's Wellbeing and Development Foundation. Although I haven't volunteered there yet, I've talked with two of the women who work there, and I'm planning on starting the group mid-October. I'm very excited to be doing this!

My View on Sex

             Ever since I was a little girl, the topic of society’s view of women and sex has affected me, whether or not I realized it and whether or not my family realized it. This probably applies to many girls in America as well. One of the first toys a little girl receives is a baby doll, and we are taught to take care of it, nurture it, and that eventually, we will all grow up to have a real baby of our very own, but we are only allowed to have our own baby after we get married to a man. Of course, not all women grow up to marry men; some women end up not even getting married at all, and there are many more who choose not to have any children. That was always a weird concept to me. Why wouldn’t a woman want to get married and have children? Wasn’t that what women were supposed to do?

            I didn’t know anything about sex or pregnancy and how the female body worked until I was about eight or nine years old. Out of the blue, my mom came into my room with tons of huge books and began giving me the infamous “sex talk.” She showed me a couple pictures from the books and explained puberty, pregnancy, and sex. I remember her flipping through the pages and explaining the same thing to me over and over because I just did not understand anything. I do not know if it was because of my age, or if my mom did a bad job at explaining the whole thing, or if I just was not paying attention, but I was very confused and disgusted by the whole thing. It just sounded like it would be some sort of horrible chore married couples would have to go through in order to create a child, and that it would just happen really fast with no thoughts or feelings other than, “Let’s just get this over with so we can have a baby.” Because sex sounded so disgusting to me, I’m pretty sure I blocked most of what my mom said out of my head. If you asked me what my mom said or what I was thinking during the talk, I would not be able to tell you. The only thing I do remember from that talk was being taught that I should not have sex until I was married. I had no problem agreeing with my mom’s strict instructions because sex sounded disgusting to me. I did not understand one thing about it or why anyone would ever want to have it.

To be honest, I did not really understand what the point was in having sex, besides producing children, until only a couple years ago, when I finally started to understand my sexual urges and why I was having them. I remember having huge crushes and physical attractions towards males through out my middle school years after I really started to hit puberty. I knew physically I wanted to have sex with them, but I still didn’t get what sex actually was, and I still thought it was wrong for me to have these feelings since I wasn’t married or even dating any of these guys. I always seemed to think that if someone has sex outside of marriage, she is a slut and that there was something wrong with having sexual desires for someone to whom I was not yet married, and I am sure that I am not the only girl who has ever felt that way. However, I started puberty at a very early age and I was very shy about the subject. I had no friends my age I could really talk to about it, and I had no older sisters or cousins. But, at the time, one thing was for sure. I could not talk to my mom about it because I thought I would get in trouble and she’d think something was wrong with me for feeling this way.

It wasn’t until I brought up the subject of sex and birth control about a year ago, a few months after I began dating my first serious boyfriend, when my mom told me that there was nothing wrong with having sex as long as you use protection, as long as it’s with someone who loves you just as much as you love him or her, and as long as you are both sure you’re ready to share that moment together. That really surprised me, but I was relieved that my mom didn’t judge my feelings for my then boyfriend.

Sex has always been an important and sacred thing to me, and I’m glad that I got to share it with someone, who at the time, I really loved and felt loved by. But clearly, not every girl my age feels this way towards sex. I know too many girls who have given themselves to someone just to, as they put it, “get it over with.” I also knew a group of girls who talked about wanting to lose their virginity by the time they turned sixteen, but that didn’t happen. When I began dating my boyfriend, they all bonded together, and according to another classmate, began talking about my virginity status and calling me a “whore” behind my back because I had managed to get a serious boyfriend when they had not gotten any yet. The backstabbing hurt, but I also found it strange that they wanted to lose their virginity at such a young age, but when they suspected that I had lost mine at the age of 18, all of a sudden not being a virgin meant I was a whore.

I’ve learned a lot about sex and society’s view of women and sex within the past few years, and especially within the past year and a half or so. I’ve learned that society is a bit hypocritical when it comes to the subject, especially when women are involved. I’ve also learned that it’s okay to have sex and sexual desire, just as long as you are responsible and don’t let society control when, with whom, or whether or not you have it.